“Forgive me Father, for I have sinned,” Ranell crossed himself as he intoned the confessional statement. He sat in the apse of Our Lady of Refuge with his friend, and confessor, Monsignor Raphael Mendoza.
“What brings you in on a Thursday afternoon, Josef?” Mendoza wore jeans and a polo shirt. He’d come in response to Ranell’s urgent telephone call.
“I had to get out of the office and talk to somebody, Father.” In social settings Ranell typically addressed his friend as Monsignor. His use now of the priestly honorific was an instinctive reflex brought on by his intense sense of spiritual turmoil.
“Of course. Of course.” Mendoza’s kind face was a mask of concern. “I’ve never seen you so upset. What’s wrong?”
Ranell tried to answer, but a sob caught in his throat. So he sat in silence while he tried to master his emotions.
Mendoza just waited, giving him the time he needed.
“It’s all falling apart.” Ranell finally managed to choke out through gritted teeth.
“What is?”
“Everything.” It felt like a dam was breaking inside him, and a wild light shone in his eyes. He leaned forward suddenly and grabbed Mendoza’s sleeve. “Everything’s falling apart! They were seizing our assets all over the world. We had to pay operating costs, but the government was canceling our contracts, and there just wasn’t a way to cover any of it! So I took the deal!”
“Breathe.”
Ranell inhaled with a shudder, and then forced himself to exhale slowly through pursed lips. He slumped back in his chair, he took another deep breath, and another.
Get control of yourself, Josef. It helped, and his breathing began returning to normal. “The one thing I wanted most was to save my employees from unemployment.” The words came out flat, but that was just an illusion of emotional control. Ranell chewed his lower lip, his face screwed into a grimace.
Mendoza considered this statement for a long time, seeming in no hurry to respond. At last, he asked, “It sounds like you are saying you have done something illegal. Is that right?”
Ranell’s lower lip curled under, and tears threatened his eyes. The muscles of his jaw writhed with tension. “It’s worse than that.”
Mendoza’s eyes widened for a moment at Ranell’s intense reaction, but then he regained his composure. “Hmm… I see. As bad as that?”
Ranell’s chin dropped to his chest. He nodded his head.
“First things first, Josef,” Mendoza’s words were soft and calming. “You are clearly trying to carry a burden that is too much for you.”
Ranell cracked, lashing out at his friend. “People relied on me to make the right decisions, but I screwed up! I thought I could ignore the threats.” Ranell ground his teeth together, looking up at the ceiling like he was trying to find an answer there, a way to explain. He groaned. “The US and China are at war and GML got caught up in it. We exposed ourselves to economic danger, and now there is a price to pay. It’s a catastrophe.”
Mendoza furrowed his bushy eyebrows and clasped his hands behind his back as he walked. “A catastrophe… let’s talk about that.”
Ranell didn’t speak. A vast, yawning abyss of silence grew between the two men. Mendoza was the picture of stillness, listening intently. Ranell was a mass of involuntary movements, there were tiny ticks along his lips, and he was trembling from the emotional storm raging in his heart.
Finally, Mendoza broke the silence. “You need to talk about this, Josef. You know that anything that passes between us is utterly confidential. That is absolute. What have you done, my son?”
“I’ve betrayed my country.”
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